The Winchester Gospel (as inspired by the Archangel Gabriel)
by sterotypicallycanon
Summary: Ever wanted the entirety of Supernatural rewritten as a bible? Well, now we have it. Fallow Dean and Sam on their stupid need to save everyone while Gabriel makes jokes in between dialog! (I have no idea, I just kinda started rewriting this and stuff happened so it doesn't even sound bible-y.)


Book One

The Woman in White

[1] And on that day twenty two years in the past, Mary Winchester befell to the work of the yellow eyed demon, Azazel and was burned up on the celling. [2] Hence forth the following of Winchester has come to sound conclusion that dead mom jokes were comical. [3] Though that is a story for another date, because on that very day, John Winchester put the life of his youngest son, The Boy King, in the Righteous Man's hands and told him to run. [4] Dean henceforth took that command to heart and became a solider of his father's bidding. [5] Samuel refused John's wishes as his own and left to a place of higher education to become a man of which that abided by the law.

[6] In the present day, the Boy King and the woman he'd chosen to court, Jessica Moore, were at a celebration of All Hollow's Eve for Samuel's immaculate LSAT scores that would allow him to enter a school of law. [7] Luis, a young man who had befriended The Boy King and had disguised himself as a ghoul like most of the other patrons, raised his glass to the job well done as did Jessica. [8] Then Jessica said onto them, "So here's to Sam and his awesome LSAT victory." [9] Samuel shook his head with a smile imparting that it wasn't that big of a deal as he clinked his own glass in the merriment. [10] The woman seemed to disagree as she replied, "Yeah, he acts all humble, but he scored a one seventy-four." [11] The average score of his peers being roughly sixty-six points lower most would disagree as well. [12] Luis, who did not know such things as LSAT scores for prelaw students, asked if this score was good to which Jessica answered, "Scary good." [13]The young man then made a reference to football which was in bad taste and excitedly said Samuel could get into any school of his wishing. [14] The Boy King then said, "Actually, I got an interview here. Monday. If it goes okay, I think I got a shot at a full ride next year." [15] He sounded nervous, causing Jessica to comfort him with promises that he would do well. [16] "It better," Sam replied causing Luis to quickly change the subject to converse upon. [17] "How does it feel to be the golden boy of your family?" he asked as Samuel shook his head. [18] "Ah, they don't know," The Boy King said. [19] Luis the Dull, as he is now called by the Archangel Gabriel, asked why that was making Samuel snort. [20] He said, "We're not exactly the Bradys." and it was true. [21] The Clan of Winchester had never been the perfect family, no matter how hard Mary had tried. [22] They were small and each broken in their own way. [23] John by the death of his beloved wife, Dean by the negligence of a father bent on the path of revenge, and finally Sam who just wanted to be normal. [24] These three men were each considered important to the prophecies of Lucifer's rising, though they didn't know of that at this time. [25] Later that night, The Righteous Man broke into the Boy King's apartment through the window and acted as an intruder to lure him out. [26] It was soon after that Samuel, in the kindest terms, got his ass handed to him on a silver platter. [27] And the Archangel Gabriel thought this was the funniest shit known to man. [28] "Dean?" Sam had asked confused at their current position to which his older brother laughed. [29] Sam shook his head, "You scared the crap out of me." [30] And onto him The Righteous Man replied, "That's because you're out of practice."[31] And lo, it was this cockiness that allowed the Boy King to get the upper hand and pin his older brother with a smug smile. [32] "Or not," said Dean as he realized he was not to be released, "Get off of me." [33] As Samuel pulled them up, he asked what the hell Dean was doing there and got the response that his older brother wanted a beer. [34] Behold, the first appearance of bitchface number three roughly translating to 'What the fuck, Dean?' as he restated his question.


End file.
